By Freya Catorce
Two points: (1) If you don’t have an Instagram account yet, here’s a brief intro of the various personalities you will meet in Instagram. Feel free to affiliate with any of these, or feel free not to. (2) If you already have an account, where do you, or do you not belong?
1. The Celebrity
Because they are popular, celebrities get a lot of (1) followers, (2) posers, or (3) both. If you want a heaping scoop of info about the brands they wear, who they’re with, who they’re not with, what they eat, what fancy stuff they own, sign up and prepare to bask in the world of the rich and famous. Make sure, though, that you follow the right account. Tip? Check the number of followers and you’ll never go wrong.
2. The Foodie
Instagram is free and open to the public, but as an advice, do not stare at a foodie’s posts when you’re hungry. The photos look good just as the food must taste good in reality. Anyway, everything must come to terms with reality; the cost of the food, too, is not an exception.
3. The Explorer
Say hello to places you’ve never been to because Dora is just around the corner to show you what you’re missing in life. Perfect sunsets in Bali, busy streets at night as seen from a penthouse apartment in New York, and the Swiss Alps are only a few of what these well-heeled travellers’ photos can offer.
4. The Fashionista
Revel in the perfect hashtag-ootd of Tricia Gosingtian, Camille Co, Laureen Uy, and the rest of the Philippines’ premier fashion bloggers. If you’re a girl (or a boy, because fashion is not sexist) and you’re into trendy clothes, good makeup and cute accessories, make it a point to follow these ladies. You’ll be amazed at how they can impeccably flaunt a set of outfits and make their post to the popular page. Don’t obsess too much, though, if you don’t want to be The Social Climber (please refer to final bullet).
5. The Fan
The number of celebrities varies directly to the number of fans in Instagram. Avid fans will often regram (as in, post the same post again) or like his or her celebrity idol’s post even if it’s the latter picking nose or something. They plead for attention through various ways like commenting Please follow me, I love you or simply Lb lb lb (as in, like back). Oh, what the fans do for their idols.
6. The #Hashtag Rapist
They are called so because they abuse hashtags by putting a lot in their posts. Personally, I don’t get the point of putting countless hashtags. Others tell me that by doing so, you solicit (though indirectly) likes to your post. Yes, hashtag rapists exist in Instagram. They used to wander around the World of Wide Web (pun intended) to creep into other networking sites like Facebook to spread their violence. Miraculously, the deed of putting hashtags in Facebook was recently allowed. No more hashtag rapist discrimination this time.
7. The Modern Narcissus
The theme song of The Modern Narcissus must be Whitney Houston’s greatest Love of All. He or she floods Instagram with hashtag-selfie photos. Here is the solution to your dilemma: Tolerate when good-looking, otherwise, persecute.
8. The Social Climber (Faux Naif)
This person is the most peculiar of all. Why? Because he or she can be any, or all (if possible) of the types above. Some, if not all, of The Social Climber’s posts are fuelled with dishonesty – the fancy-looking stuff are counterfeit and rather cheap – and motivated by the eagerness to be looked up to for being at a pretentiously elevated lifestyle level. He or she purports to own the latest gadgets, travel abroad, or drive a (lavish) car. Exercise caution because the poison of the Social Climber is deadlier than that of the Rapist.